


To claim what is mine

by Autophile



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Betrayal, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secret Crush, Suicidal Thoughts, UraIchi Prompt Challenges, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 18:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autophile/pseuds/Autophile
Summary: Ichigo  keeps himself busy. He studies hard for school (Second after Ishida damn it!), works day and night (mostly to be useful and not by himself because, honestly, there are times were he is his own worst enemy) to gather money researches information to travel the world alone and how to study in college from a distance. He does not know yet how he wants to do in the future but he researches that as well. Makes sure to never be alone in case the shinigami grow impatient and send an assassin. That's how fifteen months pass.





	To claim what is mine

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the Uraichi Prompt Challenges 7/15/2018  
> Word:disappointment  
> Sentence prompt: “Maybe one of these days you’ll realize you can’t control me/him/them.”  
> Quote prompt: "Dying is easy... living is harder." ~ Hamilton  
> Song prompt: Battle cry~Beth Crowley  
> More specifically:  
> Tell my secrets to the wind  
> Flying I feel infinite
> 
> That something has stirred  
> A beast has awakened  
> Opened a door  
> There's no mistaking  
> Waging a war  
> It's fighting inside of me
> 
> So hear my battle cry  
> I'm out for blood to claim what's mine  
> Finally  
> Questioning  
> If I am my own worst  
> I am my own worst  
> I am my own worst enemy

Ichigo has a lot of time to think after the war.

(No friends to spend time with, not being a shinigami substitute, no eight hours of peaceful sleep every night, no sisters to look after.)

(It's ridiculous. With most of them, he fought side by side a war against a shinigami traitor. With a few of them, he fought against the rest to save another. Do these bonds mean nothing to them?)

(He wishes he could say that he is sad or angry. The only thing he feels is disappointment which is pointed to him.)

The shinigami don't visite him, not even two months later. By then all of his human friends ( and family), even the ones who don't fight, stop talking when he walks in the room. They spend less and less time with him, sometimes coming up with various half-assed excuses.

He considers reasons why. He makes a list and contemplates the possibilities. He comes up with three.

a) orders from above and b) due to the loss of his powers had been crossed out for various reasons.

1\. It would not stop his living friends, at least not the non hollow-fighting ones.

2\. It would not stop the Visored who do not like the Gotei 13 or care about that as they see him as a little brother.

3\. Also it would not stop his family or people such as Kisuke. (He pushes the heartbreak from the last one to the side. Now is not the time for stupid crushes.)

(There is also a fourth reason Ichigo doesn't write and doesn't say out loud. 4. He doesn't want them to be true, because if even one of them is he will cry. He is not in the mental stage to rage. Not yet.)

He knows shinigami (Rukia and Renji and Yurouichi and -) visit Karakura town. One night when everyone though he were asleep Ichigo heard his sisters talk about their last visit. They never visit him.

That leaves the last one.

c) They are pushing him to suicide.

The only argument on this one is that they care about him, but the isolation says otherwise. Goatface for all of his yapping around has a degree in child phycology which he earned after mum died. Meaning he knows that in his current state it is bad to isolate him and make him feel useless. His human friends must be going through what he is going so they understand he needs someone. Even his shinigami friends both younger and the elder must know he did not come out of it mentally unscathed. On the other hand the Gotei 13 and Central 46 never liked it when he interfered and were capable of using mental modification. Ichigo dying meaned that after the use of konso there would be a powerful, memory-less Ichigo in Soul Society.

First, comes shock.

Then denial.

Next, acceptance. Ichigo considers suicide. Indeed, that would be doing what they want and possibly being control by the powers that be, but at least he would be useful again and people wouldn't avoid him anymore. He would also have Zangetsu again.

What would Zangetsu think of this? The answer comes to him easily enough. ''Move forward Ichigo. Keep going and don't stop. It is not your time to die yet. Live." Not mention his hollow would have a good reason to beat him up. After that Ichigo becomes hungry for life. He wants to see the world and experience it while he is still alive. So he plans and prepares. He is going to get what he wants even if every shinigami is against him.

And as he decides that he sends a though out to them. 'Who knows? Maybe one of these days you'll learn you can't control me.'

* * *

 

Ichigo  keeps himself busy. He studies hard for school (Second after Ishida damn it!), works day and night (mostly to be useful and not by himself because, honestly, there are times were he is his own worst enemy) to gather money researches information to travel the world alone and how to study in college from a distance. He does not know yet how he wants to do in the future but he researches that as well. Makes sure to never be alone in case the shinigami grow impatient and send an assassin. That's how fifteen months pass.

He doesn't tell anything to anyone.

His sisters will be fine. They've shown they don't need him anymore. (And that hurts. A lot.) Karin was even training to take down hollows.

In occasions were he doubts himself he reads the list again.

He is ready.

But before he leaves there is something he needs to do.

* * *

Urahara Kisuke found himself being pressed to a wall of his shop while Kurosaki Ichigo kissed him.

The boy was not supposed to be there. Isshin had been definite about that. 

Before he could find an excuse to get him to leave Ichigo raised his hands and said "I am here as a costumer." and Kisuke (the idiot that he is) lets him. He knows he shouldn't but in his defence the young man (how much he grown and how well) was smiling. He hadn't seen him smile in a long time. He hadn't seen Ichigo in a long time.

Kisuke is weak.

Kisuke is selfish.

Kisuke is crap at decision making.

Kisuke was at the shop alone. (Who'll know?)

Then they get talking. Ichigo asks for basic supplies.

"What do you need them?" 

"It's a secret." and his smile turned to a grin.

Kisuke loves secrets.

(He wonders how the usually broody teenager has become so happy. A traitorous part of him which is either conscience or guilt or masochism answers. 

"Without you messing with his life? Much easier.")

Ichigo follows him around the shop and they talk about anything except anything that has to do with shinigami. Then, suddenly he is pushed to the wall and is kissed by him. Kisuke does not push him away.The kiss ends with Ichigo pulling away and leaving with a whispered "Goodbye Kisuke." without taking anything.

So that was the secret. Interesting.

Kisuke does not know what that means (He hopes that maybe Ichigo feel for him like he feels for Ichigo) but he will get a chance to ask in two weeks exactly after he gives him back his powers.

* * *

 

One week later Ichigo is gone with a note explaining he wants to travel, that he will be alright and that he will return.

Eight days later Karin and Yuzu remind everyone that they are related to the crazy person who leaded an invasion to Seireitei only with three teenagers and a cat to save someone he cared for. Karin punches her boyfriend Toshiro while Yuzu attacks their father. After they stop and the twins calm down they present a list written by Ichigo.

Ichigo does not know how far away from the truth he is.

After that the world goes mad.

Nobody goes looking for him. Partly because they trust him to do as he says as they always do and partly because mayhem is happening everywhere. (Shinji has made it his goal to beat as many people involved in this stupidity as possible.)

It is awe inspiring how Ichigo powers or not creates chaos without even trying.

* * *

 

When Ichigo returns nobody says a word about what happened during the years he was gone because of his list. Maybe after he dies. Thought they explain why they didn't interact with him and give him back his powers. It is a big show of much he grew up and how much the same he is when his response is to look at the ceiling and say exasperated "Stupid shinigami."

* * *

When Kisuke later is alone with him, he finds himself pushed to the wall and kissed. This time when he stopped kissing Ichigo whispered "Hello Kisuke." and stayed.

They pick up after that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This the first time I write anything for a pairing and this was the best I could in two days. So I will understand if I failed at making it.  
> This is also the first time I use so many brackets. I have no explaination for that.
> 
> I have read a lot of 'Ichigo leaves Karakura' fics and I wanted to write one of my own.  
> Also was I the only on whom, when reading the manga, came up with reasons for why they abandonded Ichigo and pushing him to suicide was one of them?
> 
> Bleach is not mine. Obviously.


End file.
